Christmas came early this year

I don’t want a lot for Christmas.

There is just one thing I need.

I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree.

I just want universal healthcare, more than you could ever know.

Make my wish come true.

All I want for Christmas is blue.

-Mariah Carey probably

The sound you’re hearing is not Donald Trump cracking open another can of Diet Coke as he shouts at the White House Apple TV. It’s the sound of nationalism cracking under its own archaic weight.

Tonight, Alabama elected Doug Jones to US Senate. Alleged child molestor Roy Moore lost by about 20,000 votes. The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come let out a huge sigh of relief and Rudolph finally found the courage to come forward about institutional bullying in the North Pole.

Much like the 2016 election, virtually no one foresaw this result. #ihavenofaithinthepeopleofalabama might as well have been a trending hashtag. But they proved us wrong, and I’m loving it.

A lot of good will come of this, but one major thing is now certain: the snowball is rolling, and fast. The first indication was the Democratic sweep in Virginia last month, but this is way bigger. A Democrat getting elected to senate in Alabama is like a Republican getting elected to senate in California. It doesn’t happen, especially not in Trump’s America — but it did. And now our country is poised to take back our government from the hands of oligarchs/traitors/racists this time next year. Just look at the results.


The race was close. But not like Ohio close. When Republicans lead races in Alabama by upwards of 20 to 30 points, this is a landslide victory for Democrats. This is perhaps the largest indication that Trumpism is on its way out. But ostensibly the figurehead of that movement doesn’t see it.

In a perplexing display of temporary sanity, President Trump congratulated Jones on his victory. The sideshow instead came in the form of Roy Moore’s concession speech, in which he… did not actually concede the election. Moore’s campaign refuses to admit defeat by arguing that, per Alabama law, there must be a recount in the case that the margin of victory is less than half a percent. Does anyone want to tell Moore he lost by a percent and a half?

While Moore and Co. are taking a break from grasping at fourteen-year-olds to grasp at straws, Doug Jones will assume a seat in the US Senate come 2018, and fortify a wall of resistance that the Republican party will soon be wholly unable to overcome.

The Alabama win is a giant, satisfying middle finger to Donald Trump, but it is good news for the future of our country. The GOP tax bill will now inevitably fail. The Child Health Insurance Plan won’t be sacrificed on the altar of Ayn Rand. The entire Republican legislative agenda is more likely to get shredded than rubber stamped. Like Virginia, Alabama signals to the rest of the country; to women, to minorities, to immigrants, that Trump and his party might be our government, but they are not our leaders.

Merry Christmas, Roy Moore, Donald Trump, and the Republican Party. Welcome to America’s naughty list.