I have heard it said you are every age you

Have ever been

All at once 

And so I feel all the ages I have lived

And fear the ones I have yet to have lived

All at once 



Is no faux luxury of mine

There are no hours waiting at the bottom of my pocket

Like all the phantom dollars that I’d swore were there 


Slips through the cracks of my fingers 

Not like sand

Like reaching for the hand of who you love

And being slighted 


Today I am tired, not hungry

Too busy 

Holding the rain in my throat

Calming the storm in my stomach

I do not sleep with all the thunder

Yet still 


Here comes the sun with every unfulfilled expectation on its back 

That I left it to carry 

When the moon put sand in my eyes that grew heavy 

Unable to open and see anything existing 

outside of wonderful, misinformed dreams 


So here I stand 

Rubbing away the stardust 

In the wrong clothes wrong shoes wrong skin

Only wishing to shed the layers 


But Time 

Leaves me at every age I’ve ever been

Fearing the ages I’ve yet to become 

All at once. 


Alyssa is a poet from California.

Follow her on Instagram: @_alyssanmolina